I’m just beginning to see a glimmer of light in a period of darkness that came out of nowhere. There was no significant life changing event that I might have attributed to cause this. It just simply WAS & at the writing of this segment…still IS.
It’s a feeling of being unsettled…unsure of God’s desire for me in the future. Should I keep doing what I am doing or let go of something for the next thing? I have second guessed most every decision I made since my husband death 7 years ago.
I’ve been depressed & retreated from contact with others. Though pretty consistent with my quiet times with the Lord, I feel like He has been quiet. I haven’t felt as if my prayers have made much of a difference in the great grand scheme of things.
My friends had little idea of this hard place. I avoided them, too. I did what had to be done, but no more, no less.
I read the Bible, but if you can hear what I’m saying…I just wasn’t “feelin’ it.” I admit I felt kind of hopeless, then guilty for feeling this way. What kind of Christian am I to even admit feeling hopeless? Our Hope in in the Lord!
Through all this I reminded myself that the truth of God’s Word is truth regardless of how I FEEL. Telling God I trust Him in this dark place though I don’t understand it matters to Him. Then finally the realization came to me that I don’t always have to always understand WHY I feel the way I feel or WHY God does the things He does or allows to happen.
Faith to get through this dark place is still faith in the ONE who will bring me through it. David wrote in the Psalms “Why are thou cast down O my soul? Hope thou in God, for I shall yet praise Him who is the help of MY countenance, & MY God!” (emphasis mine)
Praising the Lord who is MY Help & MY Rock!